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SafariBob
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Name: Safari Bob
Gender: Male
Interests: Astronomy, Writing, Religion, Kapnismology, Brewing Mead, Fossil Hunting, Tennis, Reading, Pedagogy
Occupation: Student/Graduate Part Time Ins
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
11/26/2006
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| The semester is over; let the students rejoice! I recieved my grades and I am happy to inform everyone that my sterling 1.77 GPA is, in fact, in tact.
Now, I have other projects to occupy my free time...I need mead!
I am teaching ENGL 2311 this summer. I have never taught this class before and it was last minute; anyone have any good exercises they would like to share?
-SB | | |
| It came to pass that Sir Runokivi the Valiant was the most nobel and valiant of The Knights of Phil in the fair land of Smokeasy and in his ceaseless quest against the evil roaches, he was without peer.
One day Lord Ironclad gathered The Knights of Phil with the purpose of marching to war against Castle Pestulence and crush Lord Slammor and all his evil minnions. As the knightly force approached that cursed castle, The Vile Lord Slammor went into his Dark Tower of Nastiness and did sit upon his infamous Power Circle of Clutter to gain what dark council his black arts could devise. As he sat gathering evil insight and commanding his revolting rearguard to harry and slow the approach of the valiant vanguard, an evil fury from the ever-crawling dark abyss of roachdom appeared before him. Crawling with vermin and reeking of malice, the twisted spirit knelt before the Dread Lord Slammor in mocking supplication.
"Lord Slammor," it purred, "I come to make an offer."
"Speak on spirit!" replied the Reticent Regent.
"I am Malovent Monoscope, and I am tired of seducing those whom are already damned in the judgement of the abyss. Loose me upon this world and I will deliver The Knights of Phil into your vengeful hand."
"And then.....?"inquired He-who-is-evil.
"Then you will give me leave to roam the cursed land of Smokeasy seeking all that I wish to destroy." the diabolic denizen of the dark decreed."
"So be it!!" declared the Dreadful One.
As she turned and left the Power Circle of Clutter, Lord Slammor shuddered in spite of himself as he witnessed her cruel smile. After she left his cold presence, he mirrored her countenence as he relished the thought of the destruction of the nobel order and then began his plans of her betrayal.
Now all this time, Sir Runokivi the Valiant was leading the Vanguard against the roach legions that blocked the route to Castle Pestulence. After sometime, the putrid roaches were finally crushed by Sir Runokivi's knightly strength of arms and fled for the saftey of the Magic Gate. Pursuing the scattering filth, he came upon a wounded damsel lying on a rock by a lake. Stricken by pity, Sir Runokivi dismounted and began to bandage her various wounds. As her turned her body over on to her back, he gazed directly into the fury's evil eye! Valiant though he may be, he was tired by the recent battles and the foul witch's spell rested upon him! Still he knelt, as if turned to stone, and his deadened ears did not speak of the many incantations recited and placed upon the mighty hero. For three days and three nights, Sir Runokivi knelt unaware of the many spells being chanted and woven upon him. And after a time he awoke beside the lake in the arms of the damsel. As he looked upon her brow in the sun, fair she seemed to him and precious as his honor! He forgot the pursuit of battle and gently lead her back to the army that drove northward. There he reported that the hoards had been broken and Lord Slammor had sued for peace! As Lord Ironclad prepared to cross into Castle Pestulence to decree justice, Sir Runokivi, speaking by bewitchment, explained that Lord Slammor had agreed to ride himself alone, in 101 days, to Castle Sanctum and ascend himself alone into the Tower of Tomes and fall before Lord Ironclad's Wingback of Justice to await judgement! And so, decieved by Nobel Runokivi, The Knights of Phil rode back rejoicing of final peace and left Castle Pestulence standing when it was at its weakest.
That is how Sir Runokivi the Valiant was seduced by the Evil Fury.
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| One bright summer day Lord Ironclad purposed to travel the Blessed realm of Smokeasy in disguise to divine the state of the land and enjoy its many benefits.
Now The Evil Lord Slammor, after losing many of his foul roach legions to the cunning and valorous sorties of The Knights of Phil, began by means of his vile black arts to summon more powerful foes with which to afflict his firery wrath and vile diseases upon all the good people of Smokeasy. After a long night of sorcerey of the blackest kind, he summoned a beast of such fury and evil that he smiled cruelly as he nursed his sick fantasies of armageddon. Grey as the shadows and sharp as razors, its furry pelt bristled in anicipation of bloody draughts as its eyes, black and bottomless as the very mouth of abyssmal tatarus, gleaned with the lust of murdered dairy products promised by the darkest pact ever to be forged on Hell's anvil. One hundred feet into the air it raised as it reared back on its haunches and threw back its murderous maw to roar in agreement with the fell pact. Its spear-like whiskers twiched with the hunger of cheese and villany as its fell voice shook the Castle Pestulence to its deepest dungeon roots! After chewing a lair into the living rock below the very bed on which Lord Slammor reclined, it began to move southward laying waste to all its hooked feet could tread upon.
Unaware of the Germy Juggernaut's destructive approach, Lord Ironclad continued his sojourn throughout the happy land of Smokeasy. After some time he approached the cluttered slopes of Mount Carport and purposed to travel the mystical peak of Disorder (where 'tis said that all that is put within disappears until such a time as no longer needed) and seek whatever fortunes as The Phil would allow. As he passed various objects of undoubted past and future value, the rocky ground began to shake! His nobel vissage gazed into the very plague-ridden mouth of the repugnant rodent and as his mystical blade Singing Sword swept out of its nobel scabbard, Lord Ironclad spake these very words saying...
"Begone foul (smelling) fiend and go back! Spawn of carrion, you may not pass! For whether you be villanous vermin or hoary hamster of hades, you will come not one whisker closer to my home and hearth!"
"Foolish Knight," replied the malicous mammal,"my claws are spears, my teeth are swords, and my breath is lindberger death! To flee is fruitless, to fight is foolish! All that face me are crushed and all that fear me tremble in their holes, for I am the nibbler of napkins, the chewer of cheese, and he that poops in your kitchen drawers!"
"FIEND!!! This day is your demise! For I am Robert Angaechor, Lord Paladin of The PHIL!! Prepare ye to die!!!!"
Even as Lord Ironclad charged into the mouse of death, it faltered and finally knew fear. For forty days and nights they battled on the peaks of Disorder! Ever it clutched and scraped at Lord Ironclad and ever Ironclad hewed his armoured pelt! Finally as the 41st day dawned, Lord Ironclad threw the Reeking Rodent from the very summit and watched as it crashed broken onto the side of Mount Carport. All the people came and lifted the cursed corpse and sang as they paraded, in victory, his battered bulk thoughout the land. Never has the wonderous land of Smokeasy ever seen its kind again.
That is how Lord Ironclad slew the Mighty Rodent of Death.
-SB | | |
| Today has been a full day. I found out that I am teaching two sections of ENGL 2311: Intro to Technical Writing this fall. Also, I subscribed to XM Radio so I can listen to my beloved Cardinals and Tigers. Here in (God Help Me!) Texas, one can only listen to the vile Astros and the laughable Texans. Oh rapture!
I have been a Detroit Tiger fan ever since I was a child; the first pack of baseball cards I opened had a Jack Morris rookie card on top. Even though I wore the card out on the spokes of my bike, I always liked the Tigers afterwards.
The first ballgame I went to was in St. Louis in June 1977. I actually saw Lou Brock steal a base! Later, I began listening to Cardinal's baseball on the radio with the immortal Jack Buck. Baseball should either be experienced in person or on the radio.
Soon I will have baseball...
-SB | | |
| One day Lord Ironclad and his squire had purposed in their hearts to go forth and battle with the legions of roaches that constantly harried and afflicted the sacred land of Smokeasy where The Knights of Phil reside.
In those days, the evil Lord Slammor (Master of the Dreaded Roach Juggernaut) lived in Castle Pestulence; located on the northern frontier of the blessed land of Smokeasy. Every day, his malicious minnions would sally forth in quest of diabolic deeds of carnage and filth. Often The Knights of Phil would gather, take up arms, and march against Castle Pestulence often afflicting heavy casualties against the roach hoards but were never able to breech the magic gate that guarded Lord Slammor's vile keep. Many times The Knights of Phil would drive the raunchy roaches to almost certain and utter demise, only to see them escape behind the magical gate.
One night Lord Ironclad was visited in a dream by The Phil who told Lord Ironclad of a magic flask that when opened would release a deadly gas that could destroy the bulk of the roach hoards and was located in a far away keep called Castle Lowes. Upon awaking from that prophetic slumber, Lord Ironclad and his squire sojourned to Castle Lowes and battled the evil giants of Time and Expense. After slaying the giants, they returned in secret to the northern wastelands of Smokeasy and crept up to the festering walls of Castle Pestulence. There they waited until the filthy hoards slept to escape the pure light of day and as the roaches lurked in the shadows, Lord Ironclad opened the flask and rode south.
Now Lord Slammor was a mighty sorcerer and a patron of the black arts. As the first wisps of the purifying fog rolled through the gates of Castle Pestulence, The Dread Lord Slammor saw his hoards dying in droves. Fleeing into his Dark Tower of Nastiness, The Vile Lord Slammor caused a great wind to rise from the north and sweep into the fair southlands of Smokeasy.
All the people fled into the fortess of Deckman's Dike and prepared for war. Lord Ironclad was organizing the armies when Squire Runokivi looked forth across the foggy plain and saw to his great distress that the Original Manifestation of The Phil was being overtaken by the deadly gas driven by Lord Slammor's vile breath! Selflessly charging into sure death, Runokivi dove into the killing clouds! After Runokivi secured the Manifestation and returned to Deckman's Dike, The Phil caused a great wind to rise and disperse the weakened gas. Upon witnessing such selfless valor, Lord Ironclad bade Runokivi to kneel and he was Knighted with much honor.
That was how Sir Runokivi the Valiant recieved his spurs.
-SB | | |
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